I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
