My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
