last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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