the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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