So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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