I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
