I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
