I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize