If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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