Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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