Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize