we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
