I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
