so that wasnt chicken after all
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
