Life is so much better after having sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
