she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
