i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize