i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
