I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize