yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
