Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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