Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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