It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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