Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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