They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
