I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
