Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
