and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
