everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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