Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
