Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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