And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
