I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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