I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Come share oat with me in your robe
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
