I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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