are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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