Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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