Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
