Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
