Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
