Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
