I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
