So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
