I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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