do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
