drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
