I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize