"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
