chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
