What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
