Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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