How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
