Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
