DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
third nipple confirmed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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