I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
