Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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