I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
