I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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