I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
