it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
