Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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