i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize