i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize