At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
