By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize