cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This toilet bowl is my home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
