Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
