someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
