Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
