The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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