Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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