My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
