Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
