So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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